The Weekly Gamage: Waiting

While looking at the upcoming releases list in my usual OCD way, I noticed that one game I thought might never come out is actually slated for a February release, Starcraft Ghost. All they had to do was cut the Gamecube version. I suppose it’s for the better as Nintendo may have tried to swap the game’s Sam-Fisher-with-a-better-ass protagonist’s skin-tight body suit for something less…oh let’s say hot.

It got me to thinking about all the games who have faced these sort of massive delays and how they torture us with teaser dates, feature cuttings, and the designers’ snappy “It’ll be ready when it’s ready” attitude. These delayed games generally fit into categories based on how they go about being delayed and how they turn out.

The long delayed games generally fall into seven categories of useless information:

1. Long Delay, Big Payoff
The most typical of the long delays leads to a game that’s great at best and decent at worst. If those lazy programmers can tease us with something that comes out good then we can forgive them.
Example: Gran Turismo 4

2. Letdowns
While we can forgive a long development schedule for a good game we can also castrate designers who take years on a crappy game. Plus the reviews are always worse for these disappointments than for regular crappy games. P.S.: check out the 7 Deadly Sins in Weekly Gamage 1 for examples of how to salt these wounds.
Example: Daikatana

3. Console Hoppers
Sometimes a development schedule stretches so long that the game is forced to switch generations to keep up. This gets even worse when the game changes console companies in a new generation. That’s the kind of crap that turns harmlessly stupid fanboys into vicious virus-sending fanboys.
Example: Kameo: Elements of Power

4. Vaporware
Suuure it’s coming out eventually. No, I believe you, now can I get a hit or what? These things have hopped so many consoles, game engines, and years that they don’t seem real anymore, and they’re probably not. You can usually spot what’s going to end this way because it sounds too good to be true. Also, feel free to make jokes about the designers being on hallucinogenic drugs, I just did.
Example: Duke Nukem Forever

5. Codenames
These games aren’t so much any actual project and more a philosophy for the next game in a major series. Since there is no actual information from the developers rumors will stick to this thing like flypaper and
Example: Mario 128

6. Canceled
Some games just don’t have the kind of broad appeal the squares at various publishers want and subsequently get cancelled in favor of some crappy movie game, never to be seen again, unless they become…
Example: Sam and Max: Freelance Police

7. The Reborn
If a concept is just too good to let go it can be reborn in a few ways. Either the developer plugs along without a publisher, the publisher comes to their senses, or the project is picked up by another development house. Either way, this is usually great for the gamer, as these games are great, if a little out of the mainstream.
Example: Psychonauts

Looking at the new releases we’re actually going to have some new games this week. Most notably: Electroplankton, which isn’t really a game at all. It’ll be another week until we have any good games, though.

The more interesting release this week is an accessory: a fan stand for the Xbox 360. This means that your 360 will remain refreshingly cool even when the power supply is on fire.

In the news this week, Nintendo has refuted the rumor that Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess would be able to use some of the Revolution controller’s capabilities. This just goes to show we’ve been too conditioned from months of real Revolution news straight from the horse’s mouth. You’ve got to remember the old days when news reporters (myself included) would print any wild rumor or crappy photoshopping they could find.

Also, Nintendo, for some reason, gave National Geographic Kids more information than any actual game news source (like the highly deserving go-getters at Club Skill). Anyway NGK said that the Revolution will be out “later this year,” and that favorites such as Super Smash Brothers, Donkey Konga, and The Legend of Zelda will have capabilities related to the Revolution controller. Whether this refers to franchises of specific games is unknown and NGK apparently didn’t think to ask. Draw your own conclusions.

Lastly, CES brought the usual batch of gadgets ranging from completely useless to been-there-done-that. 3D game glasses, new dance pads, and a two-piece PS2 controller that barely works. Technology on the march people.

That’s the Weekly Gamage, come back next week when I grab the gaming news, wrestle it to the ground and make it my bitch.

By Zack Rovinsky